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The Breaking Point

What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.

— Glenn Close.

Mental Health Care these days is fucking bullshit, let’s be real. I’m sure many of you have seen or heard me bitch about how difficult it is to find affordable, accessible healthcare. Our society still stigmatizes and minimizes the issues, when really, they need to be addressing them.
There was a point in the past few weeks that I felt more alone and hopeless than I can ever remember being. I reached out to about 100 therapists that week, realizing medication alone was probably not such a great fix anymore. I found myself saying things to these people like “I see why people kill themselves after feeling this way for so long,” and “what is the point of living if this is how life feels.” I may only be like, a second year psychology grad student, but like.. any talk regarding death calls for immediate action, even if that’s just calling a patient to try to talk to them. Nah. Nothing. I sat with these feelings for multiple days, alone, feeling like I wanted to die, when I’ve never been suicidal in my life. So obviously I was scared and ashamed, and embarrassed. I didn’t want pity, I just wanted someone to hear me.
I somehow managed my anxiety enough to walk into my professor’s office (a clinical psychologist) and just sat down and said “yeah….. I’m in crisis.” This guy used to be a crisis intervention specialist, so he’s a bad ass mf, and didn’t even flinch. Just told me to shut the door, talked me down, and validated everything I was feeling. So motherfucking awkward but I’m so glad I did it. I sat there for 30 minutes, not sure I was ever going to be able to stand up from that chair. At the end of our conversation, he said to me, “You know, life is just putting one foot in front of the other sometimes.”

Which really, is true. I think it’s just incredibly hard to have that perspective when your mind is constantly shitting on you. But fuck it, let’s keep it up, and keep the conversation open. Because now, after all that, this platform exists, and the podcast will hopefully be coming at you ASAP. So pay attention! Stay involved! It’s important to bring awareness to the feelings and struggles that so fucking many of us are going through. And why not do it with humor, love, and alcohol?

Love & Lexapro xoxo

Cat

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